No More Pursuit

I am no longer pursuing my dreams.

Before you all freak out on me... Let me explain.

Something rose up in my attention today about the word “pursuit”. I actually wrote about 17 pages in my journal exploring it. But here’s what I’d invite you to do: get a dictionary. Look up these words, and note the definitions. I got mine from Word’s Encarta Dictionary.

• Pursuit
• Dream
• Generate (Create, Attain, Achieve, Accomplish, Nurture, Reach, Prosper, Succeed)
  
• Intention
• Purpose

I researched these and a few others and I realized a few things.

One definition of Pursuit is: to make the effort to try to achieve something.

OK. Read that slowly. To make the EFFORT to try... to achieve something.

You mean, “to try to try”? Wow. What is wrong with THAT statement?

It’s bad enough when someone says, “I’m trying to do this...” but to say “I’m trying to TRY to do this” is so lame I can’t even think about it. There is no try, only do. At least if you’re trying, you have a better shot than if you’re pursuing (and only trying to TRY).

Dream is defined as something you hope, long or yearn for, but are unlikely to realize.

Hope, as you know, is akin to Wish and Want, which are words that really mean “I lack”.

So to pursue your dreams means...

I’m trying to try to attain this thing that I lack and probably have no chance of ever attaining.

Also, to pursue means to chase. You can chase something and never ever catch it. If you’re focused on the pursuit of something, you’re always behind it, always reaching for it, never quite connecting, never quite catching it. The thing remains elusive.

So now you have an elusive, hard-to-catch thing that you’re lacking in, and you’re TRYING to try to acquire it.

Talk about doomed!

After much research, I’ve decided I am no longer pursuing my dreams.

Instead, I am generating and nurturing my purpose and intention (of having a successful ________).

To generate or create means to bring something into existence.

To nurture means to provide tender care and protection; to encourage it to grow, develop, thrive, and succeed.

Purpose is defined as the reason for the existence of a thing; a goal or intention that one determines to accomplish conclusively.

Intention is defined similarly.

From now on, when someone asks me what I’ve been doing lately, I’ll tell them:

I’m generating and nurturing my purpose and intention. I’m bringing into existence my purpose and intention to be a ______, and I’m providing it tender care and protection, and encouraging it to grow, develop, thrive and ultimately succeed at every phase along the way.

Doesn’t that sound and feel more determined?

More on Assumptions

I’ll say this: getting it straight in my head is quite the journey.

I’ve been thinking for weeks now how I need to “figure out how to hang on to stuff and get through this until I’m back on my feet again” meaning, how to cover the mortgage; how to cover/barter for board; how to triage the bills...

UNTIL I get back on my feet.

Note the word UNTIL.

What does it say to you? Until. As in, a while from now. Sometime down the road.

Focusing on the GAP between “now” (not on my feet) and “then” (back on my feet).

WHICH LEAVES ME FIRMLY WALLOWING IN THE DAMNED GAP.

I shouldn’t be focusing on how to ride out the gap UNTIL I’m back on my feet—I should have my focus on BEING back on my feet. PAST the gap.

I tell ya. It’s innocuous, this subconscious thing.

Good thing I'm becoming more aware of my thoughts and WHAT they are saying.

Assumptions

In the early morning "revelation" hours, I woke up after a really bizarre but good dream. As I came out of the dream, Brain (yes, I consider that to be its proper name) began working overtime trying to figure out, like usual, how to address the various situations in my life that need solutions, such as how to pay bills, how to pay for grad school, how to survive another month, and so on. Brain was working furiously to come up with yet another feasible possibility, when...

A Voice (which is likely God or my Higher Self) spoke up and drowned out Brain's worrisome chatter.

The Voice said:

“The problem isn’t that you need a job, or cheaper board, or even money to pay bills or go to grad school. In fact, these are just symptoms.”

Brain stopped "solutionizing" mid-thought.

My Conscious Self chimed in to the debate.

Oh? Symptoms? Of what? What IS the problem, then?

“The problem is that every solution and decision that you make is based on the assumption of continued poverty.”

Well, that stopped me short. I thought, well, duh, yeah, I mean, I gotta figure out how to survive until I’m flush again—

The Voice cut me off. “NO. Listen. YOU ASSUME POVERTY WILL CONTINUE.”

Uh, yeah, it probably will—for awhile, anyway...

“NO. You see? THAT’S THE PROBLEM RIGHT THERE.”

Huh?

“You are assuming that you’ll probably still be poor for awhile. So you are FOCUSING on the probability of being poor for a while longer.”

Oh for goodness’ sake.

The Voice is right.

Focus means manifestation; focus leads to actions that support the manifestation of that reality of probably being poor a while longer. DUH DUH DUH.

If every decision I’m seeking arises out of the assumption that it’s gonna be awhile before I can afford _________, then I’m attracting exactly that situation to myself!

I’ve been mulling this over and journalizing, exploring this concept in depth. As I thought about all the "problems" I've been facing, and all of the potential "solutions" that really aren't very good answers at all, it began to make sense.

I had already been creating this "probably poor awhile longer" situation, simply by assuming—or expecting—I'd still be in it.

The sticky part is, it's easy to maintain this assumption, when the circumstances around me seem to point in that direction. When I look at my bank balance, or the rejection letters from jobs to which I've applied (and not even being granted an interview before they decide I couldn't possibly have anything to offer them), the bills piling up, the unpaid things... it's very easy to see that should things continue this way, poverty is a given. With or without the added panic from the Media, who cry out about the state of the economy and housing market in such a fearful manner.

The Voice asked another question or two.

“How would your life change, if you lived under the assumption of wealth? Or assumed/expected that things are turning around? What would change in how you approached everything in your life?”

Wow.

I'd never thought of it that way. I came up with a whole list (which I won’t bore you with) of things that would change. It’s amazing how much different I would be living and thinking right now IF I assumed that it is all turning around, or rather WHEN I EXPECT that things are turning around and that there IS money and prosperity and success on its way to me now.

The point is, I must change my overall expectation from one of continuing poverty “for awhile” to one of renewed, impending, immediate prosperity and success.

That overall expectation is the foundation that drives and informs absolutely every single thought, action, and decision I make, and every solution I seek. Once I shift my overall expectation, everything changes in a trickle-down effect.

All my decisions, all the solutions I seek, every thought and action I have or make shifts to conform to my EXPECTATION. And I’ll get what I EXPECT to get.

One of these days, I’ll have this DOWN, baby. I will.

Once upon a time, I held the expectation of prosperity and success. I hadn't realized that the expectation had changed somewhere along the line to one of not expecting—rather, expecting the opposite of prosperity and success.

I'm not sure if I need to pinpoint when it changed and what caused it to change in order to change back. If I can rewind to a point before it shifted, reset my expectations to what they once were, and live in that mindset again, I'll be all right. But maybe all it takes is simply recognizing that there has been a negative shift, then shifting it back to positive.

And because miracles DO happen, I can expect things to fall into place for me right away—once I’ve adjusted it so I BELIEVE it is happening.

There is one question unanswered: Despite MY shift in expectations, there are still those who require explanations from me and specifics about WHEN I expect to discharge my debts, WHEN I plan to pay off that bill, WHEN I anticipate having money for X. They are less likely to accept the vague answer of "oh, soon—it's turning around, I can feel it, because I've shifted my overall expectation to one of prosperity and wealth." Mortgage companies want deadlines, realistic or not. Utility companies also want to know WHEN.

I'd love to be able to promise "when", and meet it... yet that little seed of doubt emerges and says, "But it depends on a lot of things falling miraculously into place—and you cannot predict when that is going to happen".

Hmm. Maybe THAT is the limiting belief preventing manifestation?

Thoughts?

Why Pray for Others, When I Need the Help?

Thought for the day:

"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed."—James 5:16

Though I'm definitely New Thought, I'm comfortable listening to just about any Christian or Catholic minister/priest/pastor/teacher when they give a sermon, as long as they stick to Biblical principles and avoid straying off into denominational differences (such as is it or is it not a sin to dance, have long hair, and so on). Sometimes I watch Richard Roberts, other times Joel Osteen. I've found Father John Corapi is quite an inspiring speaker as well.

Last night, I was listening to Lindsay Roberts and she mentioned the verse above. She said she'd always misinterpreted it to mean, pray for others so that they would be healed; but that the true interpretation is pray for others so that YOU can be healed.

She related the story of a woman who was diagnosed with cancer. Instead of praying for herself, she immediately went round to all the hospitals, finding cancer patients, laying hands on them, and praying for THEIR healing. Not long afterward, the woman's cancer was declared gone.

Skeptics may scoff at this, but Law of Attractionists and spiritualists alike understand what happened here. It makes sense to me.

Like energy attracts like energy. Put out into the world the kind of energy you wish to attract back to you. Do unto others as you would have done unto you.

If you had been diagnosed with a terminal illness, what would you want others to do? Pray for you. Envision you in good health. Support you. Show love for you, from which you could gain strength. For starters.

Put out that energy... receive that energy. Pray for someone else who has the same affliction as you... attract back the kind of energy YOU need to solve your problems.

What if this was applied to, say, someone in a poverty situation? Or who is seeking employment? Or needs help with their relationship? Instead of criticizing, complaining and giving up on people, perhaps we would better serve them and ourselves by praying FOR them. Pray that everyone who needs a job finds a good one, soon. Pray that those in poverty experience the financial miracles they need to lift them out. And so on.

Do we need to go TO them to do this? I don't think so. I think it would be just as effective if the world's hungry and poor were included in our daily prayers; though it might have more of an impact to go directly TO people in situations like our own. We do not need to admit we share the affliction or condition. But we must be sure to treat them with respect and dignity—never as if we are somehow "better". Any one of us could find ourselves in a difficult position in a heartbeat. We must treat others currently having that experience as we would want to be treated.

Thoughts for the day.

Why Fear Wealth?

One of my biggest limiting beliefs is that being rich will lead me away from being spiritual. I've been trying to figure out why. I think I know.

It's because of the phrase "Idle Rich".

I don't believe there is such a thing, at least not in my world. I'm only idle when I'm poor, because the things I love to do cost money (if I'm doing them effectively). I stay home. I trim down to a frighteningly frugal level of bare minimum maintenance. I haven't had a hair cut in over a year. I do not go out. Period. I use the library. I rarely leave the house. I become tight-fisted and less generous because you never know when you might need that $20. I only maintain cable because my internet service comes through it, and in the event I get a freelance design job, I need to maintain my capability of getting the job to the clients and the print shop. But I've trimmed the cable selections to nil.

When I'm wealthy, OTOH, I am ACTIVE. I'm all over the place! I'm traveling, dining out, meeting friends, socializing, thinking up project after project, starting a new one before beginning the old, "going off on tangents/traipsing all over the countryside" as my Mother used to say...

I'm a go-getter, up and at em, energy ball when I'm wealthy. I'm the opposite of idle.

And that's the problem. Because all of those things are DISTRACTIONS. They are time suckers. They keep me going, going, going like the Energizer Bunny, rarely slowing down to take a breath while the world whips past.

When I'm working it's even worse. I spend 8-10 hours at the job, where it's go go go meet deadlines fix problems don't think just DO and hurry up about it (I was a print production technician and designer), then I go home and collapse from exhaustion in the evenings. Time is lost because I'm too worn out to do anything "fun" or for myself. Weekends are a busy cramfest where I try to fit in all the things I didn't have time or energy for during the week. Church? Are you kiddin' me? Get up early on a Sunday when I could be sleeping in?

And so my spirituality fell short. I fell out of touch with my inner being, with God, with the whole meaning of life. As I wrote in my journal the other day, certainly judging by the events of the past few years, this qualifies as the WORST time of my entire life.

But it has also in many ways been the best. There are a couple of areas that have gone well in spite of it all: my horsemanship activities and my spirituality/self-knowledge. I've had plenty of time to sort myself out, reconnect with God, and figure out what spirituality means to me. I've also worked on my horsemanship and riding, which is moving me towards my goal of becoming a Parelli Natural Horsemanship Instructor and Horse Developer.

The other day, I asked myself what my favorite experience on this planet has been. The answer? My time with horses. The past eight years have had horses in them full time, and it has been the BEST time of my life.

Wait a minute. Didn't I just say it was the WORST time of my life?

Yes. The best AND worst times of my life are occurring simultaneously. The beauty of this realization is in understanding that I've been focusing only on the WORST part, and completely overlooking the BEST part. My joy, my heart, my reason for existing is wrapped up in that horse, and nothing I've experienced any other time in my life other than God has been that joy-filled.

So in a way, this temporary descent into the world of the not-haves has had its blessings.

But... when I return to prosperity... when my life picks up and takes off again... when I return to work... if I suddenly find myself in possession of a large amount of money... will all of this change? Will I revert? Will I go back to being busybusybusy with no time to stop and smell the horse barn? Will I lose sight of my spiritual side, my connection with God, and be mindless again?

I suppose my fear of suddenly becoming wealthy again stems from this sense that my connection to my spiritual side is not yet as firm, not cemented in place. It's still shaky. It's still developing. It has roots, but the soil could be a bit more fertile. It's growing, but the leaves are new, and they must enlarge to take in the nourishing sun. The blossoms are still buds. I fear that one smell of material boost and WHAM goes the plant, tromped down under the shiny new Kenneth Cole boot that just had to come home with me. (I exaggerate—I'm not very materially inclined nor am I particularly attracted to designer labels unless you consider Wrangler and Resistol to be designers, but I needed an analogy.)

All of the material goods that accompany financial prosperity, and the events and circumstances, can become distractions that lead the focus away from the spiritual self and the Unseen, directing it to the physical, earth-bound "can be seen" reality. I guess I just really don't want to be that person anymore. Ever. It doesn't mean I don't want a decent home, my truck and trailer, and a lovely little farm—just that when I attain those, I'd like to also maintain and continue to foster my spiritual growth IN SPITE of my prosperity.

And I don't want to be one of those people whose success and financial status makes them the subject of critical judgment and sneers. Such as a former boss. My friend's husband worked briefly for the company that had laid me off. He told of how because of the economic "crisis", it was necessary to cut everyone's salary by 20%. That was done; then two weeks later, the boss rolled up in a luxury car that was newer, nicer and twice as costly as the luxury car he'd been driving the previous week.

Now. It LOOKS as though the boss did not apply his philosophy to himself and in fact continued to treat himself while making his employees cut back, and that left employees steaming with unexpressed resentment and jealousy.

But is this how it REALLY was?

What if the boss had also tightened his belt? What if they'd been a two-car family; the newer car had been his wife's, purchased during an economic upswing or on a discount because they had a friend who deals cars who got them a deal, and it was fully paid off; and in the light of the economy now, they'd opted to become a one-car family, so the boss had traded in or sold off one car, and they'd decided the wise thing would be to keep the newer, paid-off car for obvious reasons, and his wife was now sacrificing her mobility so hubby could get to the job?

Nobody thought to consider that, though, I'll bet. Besides, he IS the president of the company. His economic standing was always going to be higher than that of his employees. Even if he DID cut back in his own way.

But being the subject of the first assumption is something I wish to avoid.

However, this belief is serving me poorly, no pun intended.

So is it okay for me to pray for a lottery win? Of course. Because it's not about the money; it's about what it can do for me, for my family and friends, and for all the people I have yet to meet that will benefit from my generosity.

I've also realized that the way I behave MATTERS. Despite my economic position, it is imperative that I continue to behave in as many ways possible as if I am wealthy in order to generate the proper vibe to attract more wealth in to my life. Putting out vibes of scarcity and restriction attracts more of that.

I may not have oodles of money to spend, but I can certainly do things in ways that make me feel more prosperous. I just need to be considerably more creative than via shopping and dining out. If it helps, for example, to eat my Ramen by candlelight on the good china with a freshly pressed tablecloth on the table and soft music in the background, then I should do that, while relishing every yummy bite.

If I feel more prosperous simply because my gray hair IS covered, then I should prioritize applying that $2 bottle of dye to my head even if it's not the spa experience I'm used to, then swing my hair around like the girls in the shampoo ads (because I'm worth it™).

It's the little things that matter; and the little details that are the devil to distract you. How you approach them is the trick.

I've finally narrowed down my spiritual leanings and determined that I would be considered a practitioner of Religious Science, Science of Mind, or New Thought. (Note—this is different from Christian Science or Scientology!) I've located THREE (!) spiritual centers in my area and a church of Universal Unitarianism nearby that I'm planning to check out this month. My gut feeling is that once I'm firmly ensconced in a church setting where my faith is being supported and maintained beyond what I do here at home, it will give me the roots and fertilizer needed to strengthen my faith so that it will be strong enough to withstand the distractions that may come up as my prosperity returns. I believe that once it is obvious that I'm decidedly on this path, things will turn around, blocks will lift, and I am being fully restored.

Go forth, and prosper. May you be blessed.

Can We Rethink It?

You know, if we all quit thinking of it as a "financial crisis", it would quit BEING a financial crisis.

I vote we all refer to it as "the financial transition" from now on. Then picture it transitioning into prosperity.

I mean, what the hey--we're awfully good at mass manifesting a CRISIS, right? What if we used our powers for good rather than evil?

Just a thought.

Why Do Some Things Manifest More Easily?

Question.

Why is it so easy to manifest some things than others?

For example, I quit smoking 10 years ago simply by changing my mind. Seriously! I'd just purchased and moved into my first home, and I didn't want to mar the cleanliness with my smoking habit. I considered insisting that all smoking take place outside, but realized I'd enjoyed smoking inside, so that wouldn't work.

I'd been suffering on and off with persistent bronchitis that fall, and the doctor told me I was pre-asthmatic. Having grown up with a serious asthmatic and being well aware of the progression, I decided maybe I should try to quit.

So I started declaring every chance I got that I was a non-smoker, and, well, here I am, a very happy non-smoker for ten years without a single slip or craving. And not asthmatic, either.

At first, it was a tad bit of a challenge. I had to be on top of reminding myself I was a non-smoker. I had to catch myself a few times before the new habit of NOT reaching for the pack when I got in the car became more natural. But as time wore on, I didn't have to be so diligent. Now, I don't even think about it. In fact, I often forget I ever was a smoker.

Try that with "I'm a multimillionaire". Not sure why, but it doesn't seem to be working quite as effectively...

Yet.