More on Deciding

This morning I awoke with a further understanding about deciding. It relates back to one of my ongoing struggles, which has been panic related to finances. But first, a little backstory.

I did not used to panic when I thought about money. But then, growing up, there was always enough of it. My parents were upper-middle class suburbanites who'd survived the Great Depression. Dad was a University professor and taught grad school; Mom was a stay-at-home who pursued her passion for painting but it was strictly a hobby. On one salary from one full-time job with summers and holidays off and plenty of leisure time after work, he provided us with a lovely home in a safe neighborhood.

At one time there were three cars in the driveway—modest, but always bought new—except for his "utility vehicle" for doing our household fix-up projects (used; something to take to the hardware store). We took nice family vacations such as renting a cabin for a week at a state park. He had a 14' sailboat he enjoyed immensely. We never went hungry. They always paid the bills on time and had enough saved for rainy days so that when unexpected things arose, they were easily dealt with and the savings and investments were still largely intact.

And he almost always paid cash or by check (and they were always good). Credit cards were carefully guarded, for absolute emergency use only, and paid off immediately.

Dad had a knack.

Because of this, though, I grew up with the belief that it IS possible to survive quite comfortably on one good salary and that there is always more than enough money.

The past two years have been a shocker for me. My belief system has been thoroughly shaken up, my cage rattled. I've experienced what it's like to NOT have more than enough money, to look at the price of things and wonder how on Earth one salary could ever accommodate it, and I've felt genuine fear on more than one occasion.

However. If this hadn't happened, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to CHANGE.

Now for the revelation. The fear I feel related to money is ALSO a decision.

My thought process subconsciously goes like this:

1. I once believed that money arrived in a continuous, dependable flow (even though it wasn't mine) and departed the same way.
2. I once believed that it was possible to balance in against out, and thus I (decided that I) always felt confident about the flow.
   
3. My parents died, I was liberated from the workforce, and I became temporarily dependent in the meantime upon partial distributions from the estate, from selling some of my unnecessary belongings, and from the occasional freelance job.
4. Due to #3, I've decided that money now comes in chunks over which I have little control (or... I've decided that I have little control over it. *ahem).
5. I've decided that chunks don't last long when spending is a continuous flow action.
6. I must've decided at some time that spending is a continuous flow action.
7. I decided to be terrified about all of this.

Remember, I didn't decide this CONSCIOUSLY.

This is my current belief structure related to money:

• Money comes in to me as random chunks at random times.
• Money goes out from me as a continuous flow.
• This is imbalanced and I choose to experience fear about it.

It occurred to me today that all I need to do is CHANGE the first and last sentence, instill the new belief structure, and all will be well:

• Money comes in to me as chunks AND as a continuous, dependable flow.
• Money goes out from me as a continuous, dependable flow.
• This is balanced in my favor, and I choose to experience confidence and security about it.

Oh, but HOW will I get a continuous inflow of money, you ask? Guess what? That is not up to me! That is the domain of the Universe, which knows all of the infinite possibilities that I, as a mere human, do not. As with everything else, once I decide, the Universe will align with my decision.

The most obvious Continuous Flow Financial source is a job. However, there are plenty of other methods of obtaining CFFs. Royalties, for example. If you write a song that becomes a classic hit and is still being played at weddings or on the radio 30 years later, and you have a good publishing deal, you have a source of CFF for the life of the song. Or how about investment interest? The chunk arrives, it is invested, and the interest compounds regularly. That is self-generating! I'm simply trying to open the mind to alternatives.

But if I wind up taking the obvious route and there is a new job in my future, the only other thing I need to focus on is making sure that I find a job that is in alignment with my Mission Statement and my life goals. No small feat, but... I've decided I can do that.