Lately I've been experimenting with tapping, or EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). The articles available at emofree.com are fantastic and I've found a couple that really targeted the issues I’ve needed to resolve/eliminate. There are many resources online to teach you how to tap the points if you’re interested. Tapping.com is a good one, and there are some on emofree as well.
While reading the articles I'd downloaded and tapping away, I came up with a startling realization or two.
Revelation #1
Revelation #1
This came from a dream I had the other night. (I'm a Level Two student of Parelli Natural Horsemanship or PNH and I have two horses, so the dream was a bit based in reality.) My horse and I were at one of the Parelli Centers (but it looked like a futuristic movie set, beyond description, nothing like the real thing). My horse I were being instructed to perform the most bizarre tasks:
We had to go up a flight of huge, slick, wooden stairs (sort of like a mountain), then back down the other side.
Then we were on a plateau about one story up. I couldn’t figure out how to get down and move on to the next task and I was afraid if we jumped that far we’d die. The instructor said, "Hang on, I’ll get you down". He pushed a button—turned out we were on an elevator, and the remaining task had been to find the lever, get the horse to push it with his nose so the elevator lowered (while I was in the saddle!), then leave the platform, dismount, do Circling game transitions online, and that was it. If we had been able to do that, we would have passed (the class? a level of certification? it wasn't specified).
In the dream, all the other students knew the pattern already and what to do at each stop, but not me. I had to ask as we went. So I didn’t know HOW to do it, I winged it—at each stop, I’d say, what do I do? and they’d give minimal info like “go up the stairs and down the other side” but not say HOW it was supposed to be done. I didn’t have time to be scared until afterwards.
But since I didn’t pass, I had to do it again AFTER reading the pattern and finding out, “Oh. I don’t have to be riding him when we go up the stairs? Riding is upper level and I'm only required to lead him at this stage?” This shocked me because we were only at level whatever and we’d done an upper level task without realizing it. Not only did I have to redo the test, but I had to do it in the presence of Pat Parelli himself!
I was terrified, afraid I’d fail, suddenly afraid of the mountain we’d just crossed successfully without fear, and I was doing all sorts of dawdling/excuse-making to procrastinate.
Finally, I broke down and opened up to Pat about why I was procrastinating, and we had a heart-to-heart about it (I’ll spare you the play-by-play). At the end, he asked why I was so afraid to do this with him watching. He said he was only judging me by where I was at at the time, not whether I was suitable at this point to be an instructor someday in the future, and he was mostly interested in making sure his program was working by observing student progress in this level.
I said (in a very panicky whining sob), “Because you hold the key to my future. You decide whether I’ll be an instructor or not”.
Pat smiled gently and said “I’m not the one who decides if you’re a Parelli Instructor or not—YOU decide it.”
Of course, that was when I woke up. :-)
Well. Here's the big huge Revelation #1.
Nobody else decides our fate. WE decide. All anyone else ever does is go into agreement with what we have already decided—subconsciously.
Does that make sense?
NOBODY stops us. Nobody else gets in our way. There are no obstacles.
There is only that which we subconsciously and consciously desire, and the congruency or lack thereof between the two desires.
WE decide, subconsciously, what it is we truly desire to be, do, have, or experience. If, deep down/subconsciously, I really want to be/do/have/experience something, there is nothing I could say or do that will keep me from being/doing/having/experiencing it... because all of my conscious behaviors will align with my subconscious desires and I will automatically only say and do things that are also in alignment with my being/doing/having/experiencing that thing.
It also works in reverse. If subconsciously I don’t want to b/d/h/e something, no amount of conscious verbal intention-setting will change things because it will be out of alignment with my subconscious desires/beliefs, and it will automatically cause my conscious and subconscious behaviors to be out of alignment with it. I’ll do and/or say things that will sabotage it—then be mad at myself later for it (or, that was the pattern in the past, anyway!).
So say I go in for a job interview. I’m iffy about wanting the job. I go in and give my best presentation. I’m dressed right. I sell well. My portfolio is stellar. I say to the prospective boss with great enthusiasm and sincerity, because I truly believe consciously that I feel this, “Yes I really want to work for you!”
Meanwhile, my brain is saying: "but... I’d rather not. This job is boring. It’s a catalog of janitorial supplies, how fascinating is that? Please. I want to work on something interesting. But the money sounds pretty good, so I guess it will do for now.”
Do you think I get the job?
Pat smiled gently and said “I’m not the one who decides if you’re a Parelli Instructor or not—YOU decide it.”
Of course, that was when I woke up. :-)
Well. Here's the big huge Revelation #1.
Nobody else decides our fate. WE decide. All anyone else ever does is go into agreement with what we have already decided—subconsciously.
Does that make sense?
NOBODY stops us. Nobody else gets in our way. There are no obstacles.
There is only that which we subconsciously and consciously desire, and the congruency or lack thereof between the two desires.
WE decide, subconsciously, what it is we truly desire to be, do, have, or experience. If, deep down/subconsciously, I really want to be/do/have/experience something, there is nothing I could say or do that will keep me from being/doing/having/experiencing it... because all of my conscious behaviors will align with my subconscious desires and I will automatically only say and do things that are also in alignment with my being/doing/having/experiencing that thing.
It also works in reverse. If subconsciously I don’t want to b/d/h/e something, no amount of conscious verbal intention-setting will change things because it will be out of alignment with my subconscious desires/beliefs, and it will automatically cause my conscious and subconscious behaviors to be out of alignment with it. I’ll do and/or say things that will sabotage it—then be mad at myself later for it (or, that was the pattern in the past, anyway!).
So say I go in for a job interview. I’m iffy about wanting the job. I go in and give my best presentation. I’m dressed right. I sell well. My portfolio is stellar. I say to the prospective boss with great enthusiasm and sincerity, because I truly believe consciously that I feel this, “Yes I really want to work for you!”
Meanwhile, my brain is saying: "but... I’d rather not. This job is boring. It’s a catalog of janitorial supplies, how fascinating is that? Please. I want to work on something interesting. But the money sounds pretty good, so I guess it will do for now.”
Do you think I get the job?
NO. Because the boss’ subconscious hears my subconscious, from body language, verbal expressions, and other stuff it’s nearly impossible to hide (unless you’re Meryl Streep), and he agrees subconsciously. His insides say, “You’d rather not. You want to work on something interesting. OK. I’ll set you free so you can go do that.” He says later when he calls, “We’ve hired someone else.”
But I really want this (no I don’t)! Really! I do (even though it’s bad for me)! It will be fine, I’ll learn to love it (no I won’t, I’ll hate it and resent ever trying)! I can do this (are you sure? I kinda doubt it)!
There are no mistakes.
There are no failures.
There are only conscious behaviors that are out of alignment with our subconscious truths.
The second part of this is that the Universe, the World, God, whatever, only ever says YES to us. It says yes to our TRUE (subconscious) desires. But sometimes the Universe's Yes sounds like NO or looks like an obstacle preventing us from doing/being/having/experiencing when it isn't an obstacle. The Universe doesn't say no to us. It says "yes" to the "no" we've already told ourselves.
Let that sink in a minute...
The trick is that sometimes we're telling ourselves "no" but we aren't sure why. Those are limiting beliefs. It’s faulty programming. It comes from parents, schools, the media, etcetera—what we’ve been consciously or subconsciously exposed to throughout our life has implanted messages that may or may not (usually are not) be true about us or what we desire.
But I really want this (no I don’t)! Really! I do (even though it’s bad for me)! It will be fine, I’ll learn to love it (no I won’t, I’ll hate it and resent ever trying)! I can do this (are you sure? I kinda doubt it)!
There are no mistakes.
There are no failures.
There are only conscious behaviors that are out of alignment with our subconscious truths.
The second part of this is that the Universe, the World, God, whatever, only ever says YES to us. It says yes to our TRUE (subconscious) desires. But sometimes the Universe's Yes sounds like NO or looks like an obstacle preventing us from doing/being/having/experiencing when it isn't an obstacle. The Universe doesn't say no to us. It says "yes" to the "no" we've already told ourselves.
Let that sink in a minute...
The trick is that sometimes we're telling ourselves "no" but we aren't sure why. Those are limiting beliefs. It’s faulty programming. It comes from parents, schools, the media, etcetera—what we’ve been consciously or subconsciously exposed to throughout our life has implanted messages that may or may not (usually are not) be true about us or what we desire.
They are insidious. They are input without our realization or conscious permission, and grow like patches of unwanted weeds amongst the flowered field of our desired desires. But they can be eliminated. We have to locate them and turn them around. We have to re-seed the subconscious with the desired desires, and make sure the subconscious and conscious desires align perfectly.
After that, the Universe still says YES, but it starts to sound like yes to us and the obstacles are turned into opportunities.
That was Revelation #1 this weekend: that only I decide what I am, and everyone else just agrees with my decision on a subconscious level.
Revelation #2 came after tapping on the Top Ten Money Issues and pretty much clearing them out. My brain was hypnotized all night with the thought “I have plenty of money right now and more is on the way”.
After that, the Universe still says YES, but it starts to sound like yes to us and the obstacles are turned into opportunities.
That was Revelation #1 this weekend: that only I decide what I am, and everyone else just agrees with my decision on a subconscious level.
Revelation #2 came after tapping on the Top Ten Money Issues and pretty much clearing them out. My brain was hypnotized all night with the thought “I have plenty of money right now and more is on the way”.
Following a decent but short night's sleep (only slept 5 hours), I woke up, had coffee. While I was looking over the article about tapping for a successful house sale, I was thinking about what else I needed to tap on.
For example, I have an underlying guilt issue about having horses in my current state of liberation from the workforce and financial circumstances because I was always taught from an early age that:
- horse ownership is the domain of the wealthy
- we can’t afford it (even though Dad more than adequately supported us on one salary)
- it’s all about fun and you’re only allowed to have fun after the “important” things are taken care of
- you can’t make money in horses
- horses will drain your income away
- clinics are extravagant
- the idea that I could ever become a Parelli Professional and make money at this is completely impossible and ridiculous
That’s why when the bank account dips low, I avoid the barn, and when it’s on the upswing, I spend more time out there "indulging myself".
Please note, for those of you who don't know much about me yet, I'm very serious about my PNH goals. My biggest conflict has been between pursuing my old, worn-out musical goals versus pursuing the newer horsemanship goals because people, I did not grow up on a farm around horses, I always wanted them and came to them in my 30s, and some find this incongruent with my having the dream of being a horse "trainer". However, the PNH method teaches how to understand horse psychology and behavior, and once you have that and can communicate with them (also taught), you can very likely "train" (we say "develop") horses to a high level (including championship performance/show level). My original dream was to be a horse trainer; but I was steered into music largely because my Mother had severe allergies—her worst trigger was... horses.
I KNOW. Totally doesn’t make logical sense that I'd have such resistance to pursuing my goals whether lean or fat times. It’s those darned limiting beliefs!
So I was going to tap those away today when it suddenly hit me and danged if it isn’t based on a Parelli Principle:
It’s not about the ___________.It’s not about the horses.It’s not about the money.It’s not about the home sales.
It’s about the POSSIBILITY of any of those happening.
I finally hit my core issue.
Somewhere along the way, I stopped believing that anything at all is possible for me. If I don’t even believe that things are possible for ME, nothing WILL be.
My belief structure has been:
- nobody could possibly want the house in the estate, especially now that it’s burnt (except me)
- nobody could possibly want my personal home, because it’s only half-finished (except me), and I never felt completely safe there (which is true)
- nobody could possibly want to buy my other horse, a mare, because of her special needs (except me—she's insulin-resistant and sugar overload like from sweet feed causes temporary but severe lameness and she's on a strict sugar-free diet and health plan that some might find prohibitive)
- all the stuff I’m selling in the garage sale is my cast-offs, and nobody could possibly want this crap (except me)
You know when it really hit me? When I caught my brain in action. Last night, I set myself up to monitor my brain’s mumblings and turned up the volume on them. This is what I heard going on in the background as I was consciously focusing on some other thought:
My brain had already decided, without even consulting me, that we will be utterly broke in a month or close to it, and absolutely nothing will have changed by then! (among other things)
It doesn’t matter how erroneous this is or that there are all kinds of things I can do and am doing to head it off at the pass. The point is, my brain did not even consider or acknowledge the possibility that ANYTHING could change before then to make the scenario it’s presenting totally irrelevant. It has already decided that “this”, the current circumstances, is how things “are”, and will remain as such, and the estate will never close, the houses will never sell, I’ll never get another job, and so on.
It’s eliminated all possibility from my life and I do not know why. THIS IS WHAT MY BRAIN HAS BEEN SENDING OUT FOR THE PAST YEAR OR SO!!! It has already planned for us to have no money come October. It's been doing this all year—putting me on a rollercoaster of panic followed by relief followed by panic, relief, rinse and repeat. What has manifested as a result has been nearly going broke (panic), then something comes through (relief), then back to almost broke, then back to relief. Over and over. I must've done something right because the last relief effort was 10 times the first couple of reliefs, but still.
“Let’s see... we have X in the account right now, we have about X to pay out in bills, clinic fees, transport, hotels, food, board, and probably that forbearance money on the personal home will be due since the house won’t be sold by then, so... since it’s not going to stretch that far, we have to start figuring out whose payments will be delayed, how to get out of some of them, what to dump, who to talk to first, maybe working off board, might have to just accept that we’ll lose the one house, it’s too bad we have to go to that clinic but it would cost more to cancel then to go, so...”I was shocked. Rewind... replay... what?!?
My brain had already decided, without even consulting me, that we will be utterly broke in a month or close to it, and absolutely nothing will have changed by then! (among other things)
It doesn’t matter how erroneous this is or that there are all kinds of things I can do and am doing to head it off at the pass. The point is, my brain did not even consider or acknowledge the possibility that ANYTHING could change before then to make the scenario it’s presenting totally irrelevant. It has already decided that “this”, the current circumstances, is how things “are”, and will remain as such, and the estate will never close, the houses will never sell, I’ll never get another job, and so on.
It’s eliminated all possibility from my life and I do not know why. THIS IS WHAT MY BRAIN HAS BEEN SENDING OUT FOR THE PAST YEAR OR SO!!! It has already planned for us to have no money come October. It's been doing this all year—putting me on a rollercoaster of panic followed by relief followed by panic, relief, rinse and repeat. What has manifested as a result has been nearly going broke (panic), then something comes through (relief), then back to almost broke, then back to relief. Over and over. I must've done something right because the last relief effort was 10 times the first couple of reliefs, but still.
My brain simply doesn’t pay any attention to my CONSCIOUS proclamations that:
- things can change in an instant
- things have changed in an instant, several times already, in both directions
- houses do sell in a rough economy
- some people are looking for remodeling projects rather than HGTV House Hunter/Curb Appeal perfection
- even if the mare wouldn’t be appropriate for a serious PNH student with high level goals such as me or as a performance horse, she’s perfectly suited to be an equine backyard babysitter, a first horse, a companion animal, maybe even a brood mare if her lameness isn’t hereditary
- a smart, capable person such as myself is quite readily employable in a variety of positions regardless of my background or the economic condition
- the estate is eventually going to close
- people really DO win the lottery, maybe not the jackpot as much but every drawing at least 5 people get the five of five and win $250k so it IS possible
...and so on.
My brain waves it away, says “Yeah, yeah, whatever... OK so we have this much right now, and in a month or so depending on this or that, we’ll be broke again, so the first call we’ll make is...”
Unbelievable.
But this is good news. Because awareness of the problem is the first step to eliminating it. Now that I know the core issue, I can tap on THAT. I can work on eliminating THAT limiting belief and reframe it and implant a NEW, positive belief. I can change the brain! Muhwahahahaaaa!
No, really. I have it worked out.
First, I'll tap on this set up phrase: Even though I believe there are no possibilities for me, I completely love and accept myself.
Second, I'll tap on: Even though I am still believing, I now choose to release that there are no possibilities for me.
Lastly, I'll tap on this: I am now believing and radiating these truths:
My brain waves it away, says “Yeah, yeah, whatever... OK so we have this much right now, and in a month or so depending on this or that, we’ll be broke again, so the first call we’ll make is...”
Unbelievable.
But this is good news. Because awareness of the problem is the first step to eliminating it. Now that I know the core issue, I can tap on THAT. I can work on eliminating THAT limiting belief and reframe it and implant a NEW, positive belief.
No, really. I have it worked out.
First, I'll tap on this set up phrase: Even though I believe there are no possibilities for me, I completely love and accept myself.
Second, I'll tap on: Even though I am still believing, I now choose to release that there are no possibilities for me.
Lastly, I'll tap on this: I am now believing and radiating these truths:
- I am grateful that this is a Universe of limitless possibility and abundance
- I am grateful for all of God’s Blessings
- I am ready for and worthy of all good things coming to me now
- I now choose to experience limitless possibility in all areas of my life
I will let you know how it goes.
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