Deciding

There is a theme continuing in these entries. I feel I'm getting closer and closer to The Answer that will permanently and positively change my life. First, I thought it was about asking for things, like you're placing an order with God/Universe/Source (let's just call it God for simplicity's sake). Then I thought it was about what we focus on.

Then it came to me in the last post that we decide. It's not up to anyone else what we become—no one else can stop us or make it work—each of us is solely responsible for making life work out. Everyone, including God, just subconsciously "agrees" with what we've already decided is true for ourselves, and "becomes" an obstacle, a hindrance or a helper to us.

This morning, the concept of deciding expanded further.

I have been trying in vain to turn myself into a morning person because I feel I'll be more productive, and with the waning daylight and the fall heat, morning seems like a great time to play with my horses. It would also allow me to treat the horse thing more like a job.

For the 9,000th time, I failed to rise at 7:00 AM. Same old situation. To bed too late, tired, unexplained sore/stiff neck, bleaghhhhh... when my eyes finally did pry themselves opened, I asked God:

"Why it is so damned hard for me to manifest this stuff? Why can't I seem to get stuff to change?"

I got an answer.

Because you’ve DECIDED it is.

Well. That launched a conversation with God that I won’t go into blow-by-blow lest we be here all night, but I'll sum up the more pertinent points.

Not only do we decide who/what we want to be/do/have/experience.

We decide EVERYTHING. Every word out of our mouth is a decision we’ve made.

In addition I was told that Prayer = Deciding; Faith = Expecting Deliverance of the Decision (manifestation).

Here’s an example. I was complaining about the morning rising issue. I said:

But, I hate getting up in the morning. I’m not a morning person. If I do get up, it’s only because I HAVE to, like for a job. And I usually feel really tired and draggy all day, because I didn’t get enough sleep the night before, because I went to bed too late. So... that makes a lot of options (careers) not possible for me.

I said, “How do I change THAT?”

The answer:

DECIDE to.

Very long debate with God about how I can’t just decide to change all that, it’s just who I am, yadda yadda... with His countering me at every turn.

He pointed out how I’d surprised myself with how much I’d enjoyed getting up before dawn for the PNH clinics, loved the morning light, the air, the way it smelled, the barn at first light, the fog, the crispness in the air... but always felt like I wasn’t supposed to be enjoying it.

I said, “Yeah, because it went against every belief I had about morning.”

God just smiled (it felt that way). Suddenly, I got it.

It went against every belief I had about morning!

Read my paragraph of whining again. Now, tell me. How many beliefs can you count?

YES! Every single one is a BELIEF. Rather... it’s what I DECIDED to believe about me and mornings. (I counted seven total.) That’s when it dawned on me (no pun intended) that when I greet someone and they say “how are you today” and I say “I’m OK, but I'm tired, I got up too early today”, I’m basically saying, “I have decided to feel tired today, and I’ve decided that I got up too early and that I don’t like it.” Then, of course, life lines up to present circumstances that underscore just how tired I am today and reminders of how early I got up.

I could have decided that I feel GREAT! I feel more alive than I have in years! But most of us don’t do that automatically. If I’ve decided that’s just how I am, that’s how I’ll BE.

Look at how differently it reads when I add I’ve decided to it:

But, I’ve decided that I hate getting up in the morning. I’ve decided that I’m not a morning person. I’ve decided that if I do get up, it’s only because I HAVE to, like for a job. And I’ve decided that I usually feel really tired and draggy all day, because I’ve decided that I didn’t get enough sleep the night before, because I’ve decided that I went to bed too late. So... I’ve decided that that makes a lot of options (careers) not possible for me.

Wow, huh? Certainly shifts MY perspective.

God said, if I just decide to enjoy rising at 7:00 AM and decide to enjoy going to bed by midnight, and decide to fall right into a sound, peaceful sleep, I WILL.

He also said that every other action/behavior and subsequent related belief will fall into place and align with it.

Decide the root belief, and the others line up.

God said:

This will feel a little strange at first—(Me: heh heh, or it will if I’ve decided that it will) because it’s new and unfamiliar. But if you decide that it feels just right, it will.

He said:

Watch what you say out loud, to others and to yourself, as well as what you think. If you can’t comfortably proclaim how great everything is because of how it might offend the people who are on perma-downers, then just respond neutrally but THINK it to yourself.

Say: “Oh, I’m good”

but think: “I’m fantastic!!!” (and try to surreptitiously lift their beliefs/decisions as well if you can)—

Me: or... HA HA HA decide to. (I love me...) I think I’m really beginning to get it. No. Wait. I’ve decided that I’m beginning to get it. HAHAHAHAHA I have to stop laughing at the absurdity of this but it’s so true! And we don’t even realize it! Or, we decide not to! AGH make it stop—

~~~

As the full force of understanding of this concept sunk in, I found myself laughing. It's so simple, yet so difficult! (Or, as I said, it is if we decide... let's not go there again. It's an endless loop. Or could be. If...)

My challenge for today is to try this exercise: Add the phrase I’ve decided that to everything thought and said throughout the day.

So if I’m thinking to myself and I slip and say “Gosh, I’m tired today”, I have to catch it and say “Wait—so I’ve decided that I’m tired today? NO WAY! I’ve decided that I am full of energy today and well-rested!”

or

"I gotta clean the kitchen" becomes "I've decided to clean the kitchen"

"I'll never lose weight" becomes "I've decided I'll never lose weight... no, wait! I've decided I'm in the process of thinning down!"

I challenge YOU to try this as well. Get some paper. Mentally divide it into thirds. Make two columns: the left is one third of the page and the right is two-thirds wide. In the right (wider) column, write down every complaint, every "this is just how I am" that you have.

• I hate vacuuming.
• God, my house is a mess.
• People are annoying and they cannot drive.
• This TV show sucks.
• It'd be nice if the neighbor would leave my lawn darts alone, but he never does.
• I love cats and chocolate!
• My boyfriend irritates me, he thinks I'm daft.
• Crap, I'm going to be late again.
• I'll never find a parking space in this lot.
• Don't drink all that soda pop, it'll make you fat!
• That woman is just never going to get a good job unless she learns to dress better.

When your list is complete (and it will be—should be—far longer than this), add the words "I've decided that" to the front of every single line, in the left-hand column. Then read it out loud.

• I've decided that I hate vacuuming.
• I've decided that God, my house is a mess.
• I've decided that people are annoying and I've decided that they cannot drive.
• I've decided that this TV show sucks.
• I've decided that it'd be nice if the neighbor would leave my lawn darts alone, but I've decided that he never does.
• I've decided that I love cats and chocolate!
• I've decided that my boyfriend irritates me, he's decided that he thinks I'm daft.
• I've decided that crap, I'm going to be late again.
• I've decided that I'll never find a parking space in this lot.
• I've decided that if you drink all that soda pop, it'll make you fat!
• I've decided that that woman is just never going to get a good job unless she learns to dress better.

Does it sound as absurd to you as it does to me? They are all just beliefs, not truths! :-)

You can't change the current circumstances because they are the product of past decisions (or... have I just decided that you can't?), but you CAN change what you decide to bring into your life from now on. The second part of the exercise would be to go back and turn the negatives into positive opposites.

So far, I've decided that I'm happy—not that I'm going to be happy, but that I am right now; I've decided some other things pertaining to the house sales; and I've done a LOT of EFT tapping on other issues, unearthing some core issues I wasn't aware I had.

Life, I've decided, is great.