Life and...

If you found out you had a terminal illness and had only a short time left to live, how would your life change? What things would you eliminate from your life, and what things would you focus on?

No, I'm fine. No worries there. But the concept was floating around in my mind this morning, so I played with it a bit. Here's what I discovered—my life as I'm currently living it is out of alignment with how I'd live it if I found out I only had one or two years to live.

If my time were short, this is what I would do:

• finish my music (finish writing, recording and producing my songs, make a CD or two)
• get right with God and seriously focus on my spirituality so I'd feel confident about where I'm going in the next stage
• spend a lot of time enjoying my friends and family, human and otherwise
• ride my horse frequently on the trails, play with him, progress in our horsemanship as far as we can take it but without worrying about passing Levels (if we do, we do; if we don't, no biggie)
• make sure all the preparations are in order so I'll be ushered into the next life the way I want to be (sweat pants, Steve Perry t-shirt, socks and slippers, and no underwear because I refuse to have wedgies or wear underwire for all eternity) and to make sure that people get what I want them to have

And that's really about it.

My dreams of world travel seem unimportant, because what is the point of making memories to last a lifetime if my lifetime isn't going to last? Unless they were trips taken with the ones I'm leaving behind, so they can remember for both of us. But suddenly, other than visiting the Holy Land (for obvious reasons) and traveling to be with friends and family, seeing the Taj Mahal, Australia, and Morocco have lost their importance. So have things like weight loss, becoming a rock star (fame/fortune), making lots of money, being perfectly organized, sorting all the chaos, etc.

It's a rather interesting perspective.

Good thing I'm not suffering from a terminal illness, isn't it? Whew!

Oh.

But wait.

LIFE is terminal.

Forgot that, didn't you?

Doesn't matter if you have a better idea of the possible expiration date stamped on your body or not—we are ALL terminal. Some are, unfortunately, more aware of it than others (and I'm sensitive to that, having lost my Mother to a very aggressive cancer).

So why are we living as if THIS is eternity? I have news for you—it's not. This is merely a blip on the eternal radar. Any one of us reading—or writing—this could be called away at any time, with or without warning.

Doesn't it make more sense to do as Tim McGraw says in his song, and "Live Like You Were Dying?"

Well, what are you waiting for?

Judgement Calls

A wise man once instructed that when one is teaching horses a new concept, they will often have a sort of break down right before they have a break through. They can become frustrated, panicky and otherwise unmanageable for a brief period—then suddenly, they change, and they "get it".

Refer to my previous post for the break down portion of my own understanding.

The situation has evened out. I nearly wrote that it had gotten "better"—but in light of what I just read and am currently marinating in from Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth, the word "better" is not necessarily applicable.

Tolle relates on page 196 the story of a man who experienced events that we would term as fortunate and unfortunate, but the man's response was always "maybe". Such as "Wow, you won a car in the lottery, isn't that great?"

"Maybe..."

Then he got hit by a drunk driver and wound up in the hospital—terrible, isn't it?

"Maybe..."

Or maybe not, given what happened next in the story (while in hospital, his house was destroyed in a landslide that would have killed him had he been home).

Then Tolle relates the story about Indian philosopher J. Krishnamurti who said his secret is "I don't mind what happens."

We would read that as "I don't care", indicating a lack of interest in a callous way. But now, I read it as not minding—not mentally judging what happens, rather, accepting what IS as it is without judgement. It is being in alignment internally with whatever happens. As Tolle points out, this does not mean we can't take action toward manifesting change; rather,

When the basis for your actions is inner alignment with the present moment, your actions become empowered by the intelligence of Life itself.

(Tolle, A New Earth, p. 199)

Too often, we judge situations as good or bad. We speak often of "blessings in disguise"—is that what they are? Or is it that we misjudged the situation as bad, but after witnessing how it connected to later events that had a more beneficial (again, judging) outcome, we see the benefit of the supposedly "bad" situation?

Is a blessing in disguise merely a misjudged situation?

So the estate has been open a year and a half longer than it "should" have. Bad?

Maybe...

And the house caught fire. Terrible! Right?

Maybe...

Maybe not.

Look at gas prices. The world protests, people are upset at how high they have gotten. It's just awful how expensive it has become to drive a car, hasn't it?

Or has it?

One report says that the percentage of traffic accidents has dropped.

People are becoming, out of necessity, more environmentally aware. They are trading in the SUVs for smaller cars; manufacturers are putting more effort into developing automobiles that can run on alternative energy sources that won't deplete our natural resources or harm the environment.

We are staying home with our families, playing in the back yard, as opposed to flying the kids to a theme park for detached entertainment.

We carpool more or even better, we take public transportation or bike/walk to work.

We are rethinking our priorities.

Not to misjudge the situation, but... doesn't this seem like a positive thing? Perhaps this is the Universe's way of balancing out the imbalances.

Excuses to Run

Tom Volkar had an interesting post today on excuses.

I'm with him on this.

But for me, I was overtaken earlier with the most uncomfortable feeling—I call it the Crawlies. It's a restlessness that can only be described as wanting to rip my skin off and run like hell, far, far away. I've traced it back to feeling extreme pressure from the obligations imposed upon me.

So I went and sat outside in the sunshine for a good hour. (OK, five minutes in the sun, the rest in the shade because I was starting to smoke. Kidding. Kind of.)

I feel calmer now. But still somewhat restless. There are so many obligations. Too many. I have become consumed by them. The past 2.8 years of my life have been about these obligations—the decline and deaths of my parents, the estate settlement, the real estate (three houses: Grandma's which is being sold from the estate, my personal home which is being sold because I no longer live in it, and the parental home that is mortgage-free that I now live in though the deed has yet to be transferred), the "stuff"(parental leavings and my own material chaos), the finances, now the fire at Grandma's and the insurance issues and investigation, the legal issues with regard to the estate...

The endless worry, the hours spent in offices waiting, waiting, waiting... it began with hours in doctor's offices then hours in emergency rooms, then hours in the nursing home, then hours in the lawyer's and the insurance company and the bank... hours of contracts, of negotiations, of arguments with no resolution in sight, and on it has gone from December 2005 to today. At the end of the day I find myself exhausted from the stress that has become my self-definition.

My life, my truth, what defines ME, has become swallowed up by these things, and they are NOT my obligations. They were inherited by me. They were thrust upon me without my permission, and they are obligations that must be seen through to the end, which was supposed to have happened by all accounts months ago and seems to drag into eternity, winding down in increments.

I cannot walk away.

Or...

...can I?

I wonder... what would be the worst thing to happen if I did?

If I said to my sister, I have been the active go-to gal for all of the estate-related stuff for 2.8 years—you've been the passive one whose duties include nothing but speaking vetos and stalling and resisting and co-signing checks and demanding equal distribution without coming up with a logical way to make that happen and reminding me constantly of what other estate issue I need to figure out how to solve next, then after handing me the enormous checklist of stuff you've "delegated" to me due to proximity, as an afterthought making the laughable suggestion that it's time for me to look for a job (as if there's time for both—honey, don't you realize, this IS my job?)—

Well, dear sister, how about YOU take over the active role from here on out?

What would you say? I would say, You wanted equality, HERE, you do it for the next 2.8 years and we'll be equal... but what would YOU say?

Would you say, Oh, no, you're doing such a great job, you keep doing it? Would you say, Oh, I can't possibly, because I have a job and therefore am exempt but you, you're still unemployed, you have all the free time necessary to do it? (as if my dreams and desires have no importance at all) Or would you say, Sure, glad to, please go live your own life for a change, you have gone above and beyond and it's my turn now?

Would you be surprised, if you did take over these duties, to discover that there is now no time in your day to devote to your vitally-important day job, that every waking hour manages to be devoured by little errands that shouldn't, in theory, take more than a few minutes but always wind up occupying considerably longer chunks of your day than you ever thought possible?

I mean, how long does it take to close three accounts and transfer the funds into an estate account? Ten minutes, right?

Try an HOUR. One whole hour of my precious life yesterday spent sitting alone in a banker's office while they hunt down signature cards, make calls to corporate to remove the dormancy status, to fill out paperwork... and that's just ONE of the many "little errands" that I'm saddled with as the active executress of this estate. There are dozens of them, and once complete, another dozen crop up to take their place.

But I'm unemployed, so I have nothing better to do with my time, right?

And would you be surprised, dear sister, and just how long it actually takes to sort through, all by yourself, 60 years' worth of accumulated STUFF that has to be distributed and set aside because SOME people might want some of it but they can't come look at it right now because of their all-important jobs and families so just set it somewhere until it's convenient? Would you be surprised at the sheer volume of boxes it can occupy? Would you be surprised by the discontent you feel at being surrounded for months by box upon box of stuff? Never mind sorting your OWN accumulations.

This is what happens when a person with a fairly saturated three-bedroom, one basement, one garage home has to move it all overnight (because of the terminal diagnosis and caretaking needs of another following the death of the spouse) into another three-bedroom, no basement, no garage home that is already saturated with the detritus of TWO people who have lived for more than 80 years each and have kept everything they've acquired along the way in no particular state of logical organization so that whomever winds up with it has to sort through and separate each piece of junk mingled in with the "important" stuff.

Yes, I realize I've succumbed to trading good grammatical sentence structure in favor of a string of horrible run-on sentences, but this is what happens during a stream-of-consciousness rant. Get over it.

What would happen if I just said NO MORE to all of this?

What would happen if I just started chucking stuff, packed up the stuff in the house that's important to ME and only me, and moved to my target city, just all of a sudden? No warning, no explanation? Took a job, dropped this nonsense like a hot potato? Left the detritus behind for someone else to deal with? Pursued my dreams and forgot all about real estate? Allowed my personal house to fall victim to foreclosure if it didn't sell quickly enough to allow me to recoup my costs? Prioritized the activities that lead to MY dreams, MY life, MY happiness? Just let someone else take over?

What's the worst that could happen if I let go of all of this and ran?

Would the world come to an end?

No.

Would nobody else be able to figure this out?

No. Others are just as capable of asking questions and ferreting out information as I am. It helps that I'm in the same city as the estate lawyer, but the estate house that's being sold is 200 miles south of here. The other house I'm selling is 30 miles north of here. I've been handling most of my business long distance, anyway. Certainly someone who is 300 miles from both places (the sister) could handle it just as readily. Certainly if I were 500 miles away in my new home, I could still manage to sell my old house.

What is the worst that could happen? Is my proximity to all of this really THAT necessary? Is it necessary for me to sacrifice my well-being and happiness to fulfill these unwanted obligations?

Maybe it fell to me because my abilities are more geared towards such stuff. Maybe it would fall to ruin if my sister tried to do it. (I have evidence that her abilities are better suited to other things.) But certainly situations such as this have been handled by less-qualified individuals before...

Or perhaps I could still perform my duties at the lowest level possible, despite having relocated?

The downside would be, I'd have a third empty property to worry about, AND I'd have the addition of my new residence elsewhere. I'd be adding a property even if it is a rental unit. I'm already overwhelmed trying to keep up with paying the insurance on three houses, the property taxes on two (though some of it comes from the estate), the utilities on three (basic necessities must be intact like electric/water when selling, plus my personal utilties), and so on. And that's without a job. Living on dwindling savings, waiting for the properties to sell so the estate can wrap up so I can be blessed with the financial windfall that's been earmarked for me for years now and so I can finally be free to get a career going again and be self-sufficient, rebuild my reserves.

My rainy day fund? It rained so hard these past two years that now I'm down to the last drops and there's a drought ahead. It absolutely must improve soon. Every time I try to focus on activities and actions toward my career goals or even a basic job hunt, that damned estate pops up and distracts me and yet another crisis demands my attention until the day is gone.

I need a nap all of a sudden. Maybe running isn't the solution. But... no matter how much I've visualized, set intentions, or prayed, it seems to be taking forever. What I really need to have happen is the elimination of two of the three properties. I don't need to add a fourth, I need to be relieved of two of the three! BE GONE! BE SOLD! Free me!!! LET ME GO!

Then I'll be free to run.

Tithes

Tithing.

Some have issues with the concept. I'll admit I did at first. When I'd see a televangelist declaring that it says in the Bible to plant your seed against your need, make sure it's 10% of your income, and be sure to send it to our ministry, I took offense. I saw it as a blatant begging for money.

It took a long time before the offensiveness wore off and I began to see that tithing is not just a Biblical concept, nor is there any rule that says you MUST tithe 10% or give it to the church. Tithing is merely paying God first—or paying into the flow first, whichever you prefer.

Tithing activates the flow of money TO you. Yes, it sounds counter-intuitive when someone says "I was down to my last few dollars, rent was due, but I gave the money to the church..." You think, well now we know why they can't afford rent, right? Because they are wasting their money giving it to the church instead of to their landlord.

Then you hear the second part:

"...and the very next day, I received a check out of the blue for twice the rent amount!!!"

And the Hoo-Boy! mechanism activates within us. Hoo-Boy, is this for real?

Yes, my friends, it is for real.

The other day I was cleaning out some boxes. I came across a couple of long-forgotten no-expiration-date coupons for a free entree at a favorite restaurant. I called. They said "sure, we'll accept it". I made sure to be extra diligent with my Thank You's to the Lord for the free meal (or two, because the portion size feeds me twice). I was so excited.

On the drive home, I was suddenly inspired to tithe. But all I had on me was a pocketful of change. Remembering that in lean times, it's OK to tithe with a dime rather than a dollar, I opted for the dimes. It's not the AMOUNT that matters—it's the INTENTION. If you're really hard up, even a penny will do, because it's not the value of the coin... the coin is a container for your intentions and gratitude, and it is limited only by the size of your heart and mind.

I filled up that dime with thanks, praise and gratitude. Then I flung it from the car onto the sidewalk of a back street. But one wasn't enough. I filled up another dime and flung it. Then a nickel. Then I went home and ate the first half of my free meal.

About an hour later, I got a call. A woman was answering one of my ads. I currently have a LOT of stuff on Craigslist and posted around town as being for sale. This woman wanted the vacuum cleaner I had for sale. I sold it in the easiest transaction ever. She met me at the storage unit, I handed it to her, and she handed me the money, no questions, no nothing.

Yes, it was only 25 cents. And yes, the price for that vacuum wasn't very high. But it bought milk, eggs, and a few other necessities. It was a small tithe to me, but a big tithe to the Universe.

It works.

On The Verge: Enough, or Not?

A major limiting belief recently reared itself. Apparently, somewhere along the line I got it into my head that before I can allow myself to deserve to be successful, I must first lose everything.

It certainly explains what's been going on in my life these past few months.

Now, where does one acquire such a belief? Well, trace it to my youth. While I grew up in upper-middle-class surroundings and never knew what "true wanting" was, I took on this limiting belief from others. I was and still am set on being a successful commercial recording artist (read: rock star). I read everything I could get my hands on about musicians and their road to fame and glory, hoping to pick up tidbits and formulate a plan.

Unfortunately, I seem to have picked up the WRONG tidbits.

It's not just the musicians, it's everywhere. The hard luck story. The rags-to-riches saga. The tale of how tragedy struck and it looked like the world was caving in on them only to have a miracle occur at the 11:59 mark that saved them and turned their world upside down in a good way. The big break following utter tragedy. Case in point:

Kelly Clarkson—grew up poor. Shortly after moving to LA with her best friend, their apartment burnt down. The only thing that survived the fire were the clothes they were wearing at the time. Because of this Kelly was forced to move back home rather than pursue her dreams of being a singer. A couple of months later, she auditioned for the first season ofAmerican Idol and went on to become... well... Kelly Clarkson.

Joe Vitale—became homeless, lived in virtual poverty while dreaming of becoming the best-selling author and manifestation guru that he is today.

JD Fortune (won the INXS search for a lead singer)—formerly homeless, lived in his car with his dog under a bridge, had a drug issue... he had no money and this was his last shot at living when he competed on the TV show "Rock Star: INXS" in 2005 and won.

Rick Dutrow (trainer of 2008 Triple Crown contender Big Brown)—was living with the drug-addicted mother of his toddler daughter when the mother was murdered (in front of the child). He had no money, but he and his daughter moved into a 12x12 tack room at the racing stable where he worked. Now, of course, he's miles from there.

And of course, just about every musician you'll ever meet has a hard-luck-before-wild-success story to share. Except maybe my favorite guitarist, Steve Vai. He grew up in a nice neighborhood in Long Island. Took guitar lessons. Went to Berklee School of Music. Spent time in the school’s library transcribing Frank Zappa’s works by ear, then, on a lark, mailed transcriptions of Zappa’s guitar solos to him. Zappa arranged a meeting, and was so impressed with Steve's abilities that he hired him to transcribe his "seemingly endless array of experimental symphonic rock". That's a ballsy story about guts and audacity rather than luck, but it's more of a rarity to find this type of story than the other.

My brain put two and two together and decided:

Poverty and hard luck is the key to success.

Yeah. You read that right.

My nasty little brain has been attempting, quite effectively, to drag me down to the depths of despair, THINKING IT'S HELPING ME BECOME SUCCESSFUL.

Last night, this deeply buried limiting belief surfaced. I stared at it in disbelief. "But..." I cried, "I don't WANT to lose everything!!! Isn't it enough to be on the verge?"

The shock of this realization had me reeling, because there at the end was the exploitable truth.

I DON'T have to lose everything.

The important point was that I thought I needed a "story". Something to justify it to the masses when I finally get my big break and am commercially successful, something that points to my deservedness: Did she work hard enough? Did she truly suffer? OK, then she is deserving and we accept her success.

Yes, I realize those point to other LBs. But the point is finding my "story". My brain was trying to write my story for me according to what it had determined is the key to success. You must lose everything, you must fail, THEN you deserve to succeed and can do so.

But something else spoke to me in that moment. This voice sounded like the nudges of inspiration that always lead me to wondrous things. The voice said,

"Does anyone really pay that much attention to the background stories? To the details? Are semantics necessary? Do you... really have to go all the way... or is it enough to have been on the verge?"

CLICK.

Yes. It IS enough. As long as there is truth in my story, nobody will dispute it, nor are they likely to feel compelled to researching the details not covered. Background stories are two-second sound bites... and they are all spin-doctored, anyway. In fact, I'd bet half the hard luck stories are just that—stories. Spin-doctored out of a couple of facts to sound as dramatic as possible. Which is fine. Who really cares? If someone is talented, isn't that enough?

It's enough to say, "I had $500 left in my bank account, no job, and I was on the verge of losing my house and having all the utilities shut off when my big break came and..."

Because NOBODY will pay much attention to the phrase "on the verge of" and read into what it really means, especially if the emphasis is on the word "LOSING" when it's spoken. And it's doubtful anyone would look into it and find out that:

• Yes, MY account only had that much in it, but I was due to inherit a very large sum from my parents' estate in a short while so...
• Yes, my mortgage was late a couple times and I was requesting forebearance to save myself but it was at the beginning not the end and I had time to salvage it and...
• Yes, it was my house, but not the one I was living in at the time, it was the old one that was on the market anyway and...
• Yeah, they probably would have shut off my utilities if I didn't pay them.
• And I didn't have a job. Yet. Unless you count playing in a cover band (which surprisingly few people do count as a "real" job despite the fact that the money is the same color).

Semantics.

Yes, I've been ON THE VERGE. But I DO NOT HAVE TO actually GO all the way "there". I'm comfortable with where I've been. I have enough authenticity in my "story" that I feel I am NOW truly deserving of any and all success that is coming my way. (And it was quite silly to put myself through this kind of torture for nothing.)

Besides. Maybe the inheritance money cushion is God's intention for me, and IS my Big Break. Maybe it's there to allow me the space and time to give my full attention to my music career without being distracted by things like day jobs and mortgages. If so, then I've been allowing this ridiculous LB to encourage me to DENY it for me. I've been refusing God's Gift to me.

And that is just wrong on so many levels.

So today, I'm processing this and revamping my belief system accordingly. I've also had some major revelations regarding my music career and God and the devil, but we'll save that for another day.

Worry = Focus

Recently, I've been reading Maxwell Maltz' 1960s classic "Psycho-Cybernetics" (there is an updated version published in 2002) and came across a very important LOA concept:

What you focus on becomes the goal.

Makes sense, right? Let's explore it a bit further.

What you focus on—consciously or otherwise—becomes the goal.

Read that again.

Note the "consciously OR OTHERWISE" part.

I allowed this concept to float around in my brain for the better part of a week while I attended to mundane tasks such as vehicle shopping, attending the closing on Lot #2, and enduring a bout with bronchitis.

Because my parents died, I will soon be receiving an inheritance. In addition, I have a personal home on the market. Together, the proceeds form one big chunk of cash coming in and it gives me a pretty big financial boost. There is enough money to boost me firmly into whatever career I want to pursue and help me along the way up to get me to the point where I'll be able to "take it from there".

But that's IT. As far as I know in the "natural", that is, based on the physical known evidence in front of me, I have one chunk and that's it.

Of course, for all I know, I could be on the verge of a major lottery win. Or another unexpected chunk from somewhere. Plus I keep forgetting I really DID inherit a very sizeable amount, but because I chose to take the primary chunk of that in house rather than liquid cash, it doesn't feel like that much, and I'd have to sell the house to transfer it into cash.

Really, I am—on paper—quite well off, better than I think. I just keep forgetting that—probably because I'm not accustomed to BEING well-off (my parents were the ones who were well-off; all I did was benefit secondarily from their abundance). And I keep forgetting that this isn't the only money in the world I'll ever get. I'm not a vegetable. I can work. I can sell off stuff. I can make more money in the days to come.

But my brain keeps focusing on:

"Only one chunk and that's IT".
"Only one chance to boost yourself up and that's IT".

My brain seems to have an issue.

This manner of thinking leads to worrying that I might make the wrong choice. I've made wrong choices before. But I've always been able to get out of them, thanks largely to help from my now-dead parents, and I've always been able to take another chance.

But if I make the wrong choice NOW... that's IT. They're dead. My "rescuers" are gone. I have one chunk of cash to help me "make it". If I make the wrong choice, and halfway to "there" I realize it, I'm either going to have to keep going regardless (stuck) or if I find out the hard way because at the important crossroads of proving myself, I fail—then I fail, and I'm f***ed (rhymes with "stuck").

Make the wrong choice, and I'm stuck or f***ed.

Which leads to the realization that I've ALWAYS worried that I'll make the wrong choice (in careers, men, lifestyles, etc—we're talking major choices, not what's for dinner).

Boi-oi-oi-oinnnnngggggggg. Suddenly, I had an insight.

What is worry?

WORRY is SUBCONSCIOUS FOCUS.

Read that about 20 more times and let it sink in firmly like I had to. Because it didn't sink in when I realized initially that what we focus on consciously or OTHERWISE becomes the goal. Nope. It had to play out a bit further.

OTHERWISE = other than consciously, as in SUBconsciously or UNconsciously.

WORRY = consistent concerned focus on a negative outcome.

WORRY is SUBCONSCIOUS FOCUS on a NEGATIVE OUTCOME.

What we FOCUS on, consciously OR OTHERWISE, becomes the GOAL.

So... when we worry, we are subconsciously focusing on a negative outcome and that negative outcome becomes the goal. And our subconscious engages us in actions and behaviors to ensure that the goal is achieved!

The laughable thing is that I'm REALLY GOOD at manifesting stuff. Oh, there is plenty of evidence, plenty of proof of what I've "successfully" failed to do with my life, LOL! The trick is to learn to use my power for good, not evil.

When I worry, I am subconsciously allowing my brain to focus on something, and that thing unconsciously becomes my goal.

How scary is that?

So... what if I can't get into music school? I thought, when I was eighteen and applying to the College of Musical Arts. (I passed the auditions, the theory exams, and was practically a shoe-in, but I blew my entrance interview. Totally. So I studied art instead. Much, much later.)

What if I never get married?

What if I never find a guy to have children with? (or never get that baby lust desire to have a child?)

What if I never make it in music? What if I wind up one of those washed-up overweight former rockers who had to metaphorically cut off her hair and get a real job that I hate at 40?

What if my parents die before I get my manure together?

Just pull the "what if" part off, and there's the goal.

Can't get into music school. Never get married. Never have children. Never make it in music. Wind up a washed-up overweight former rocker who had to cut off her hair so to speak and get a real job I truly dislike at 40. Parents will die before I get my manure together.

Oy vey.

What if I make the wrong career choice and I wind up stuck or f***ed?

Make the wrong career choice and wind up stuck or f***ed.

Fascinating, isn't it? Objectively speaking, that is.

And there I am, unwittingly hurtling closer and closer to achieving a goal I wasn't even aware that I had.

The trick, I suppose, is to closely monitor what flitters through my subconscious, notice what it is specifically that I worry about, and then really work to revise it so that it works FOR me rather than AGAINST me. Such as:

Make the right career choice and wind up happy and successful.

I know that from this moment forward, I'm making the right career choice, the choice that brings me ever-increasing happiness and success.

Granted, it doesn't cover my previous or most recent choices necessarily. But that's OK. As long as I can forgive myself for any choices I made that weren't right, knowing now what I didn't know then, and move forward... and take comfort in the fact that despite their being the "wrong" choices, at least I was really successful in achieving the goals... I'll be OK.

I made a minor revision, then I output it in huge letters. It's taped to my bathroom mirror, it's printed on a business-card-sized slip for tucking in my wallet, and it's printed on a strip I taped to the bottom of my computer monitor:

I know… that from this moment forward, I'm making all the right choices. The choices that I'm now making bring me ever-increasing happiness and success.

(It could be revised even further to past tense: I've made all the right choices... your call.)

That ought to do it. :-)

Shooting Down Missiles

It is said that one cannot unthink a thought or unspeak a word. True, a word once spoken is out there. But is it really true that a thought cannot be unthought?

What has troubled me most about the LOA is the concept that thought energy manifests itself physically in time, and that the stuff I'm experiencing now is the result of thoughts I had un- or sub-consciously—or even consciously—long ago. Well, how the heck do I know what I might have thought myself into years ago? It's terrifying when you really consider the potential consequences.

It sent me to a miserable place for awhile, pondering what might be up ahead, all because I stupidly mis-thought something but had no idea what that mis-thought might have been. What have I done to myself? What horrors await me? I felt helpless. I've gone and done something to myself that I never intended to do and I have no way to stop it because I wasn't aware enough to know what I was doing at the time, so now all I can do is sit here and brace myself for the onslaught.

Does that make sense?

Well, maybe it doesn't have to be that way.

If the enemy shoots a missile into space, aiming at a target here on Earth, it doesn't mean we're done for. Because we can shoot a missile into space, aimed at the oncoming missile, to intercept it and destroy it before it hits.

Why couldn't we also do this with thought energy?

OK, so you made the mistake of sending out all sorts of negative financial energy. You're awaiting certain ruin. Why? Why not launch a missile of positive financial energy, and intercept the negative energy that is on its way back to you? Followers of Abraham (Esther and Jerry Hicks) call this a "rocket of desire".

Rather than sit back and wait for your own personal apocalypse, send up a rocket of desire. Shoot down the mis-fired thought missiles that are freefalling towards you and blast them full of positive opposite energy.

That's what I'm doing, anyway.

One thing I'm finding VERY useful in my progress is The Clearing Audio, produced by Dr. Joe Vitale ("The Attractor Factor", "Zero Limits", "The Key") and Pat O'Bryan ("Portable Empire"). It's about 20 minutes of soothing new-age music composed by Pat with binaural beats and your choice of a version that is music only, music with subliminal affirmations embedded below the conscious level, or audible affirmations read by Joe. You get all three for one low price. They just released an Advanced Clearing Audio with seven variations, but you must have been using the original Clearing Audio for 30 days straight before you're allowed to download it.

Well, I've been using it for about 10 days now and it is amazing. At first, I played it constantly while being online. Then I downloaded it to my cell phone. Every night, I go to bed and fall asleep to the following sequence:

Clearing Audio (audible affirmations)
Stin's Meditations*
Clearing Audio (subliminal affirmations)

I'm usually out halfway through the first Clearing Audio and wake up to silence. I sleep great. I have pleasant, educational dreams. I no longer experience the 3 AM panic attacks (where you wake up suddenly, panicking, not sure why, thoughts racing)—nope, all gone! I awake refreshed. I feel more confident. Motivated. And the surprising thing is, my storehouse of limiting beliefs is surfacing. This really does work!

I downloaded it March 29th. All my LBs related to the sale of my Grandma's house emerged. I analyzed and addressed them. On April 3rd, we got an offer on the house. It took a week. That's a bit longer than most people experience with this meditation between clearing beliefs and manifesting change, but I figure it's because I had some particularly big blocks to clear. Things ARE unblocking. This is amazing. I advise you to head over there and download it and see for yourself. Then you, too, can clear out your counter intentions and start sending out wondrous rockets of desire, and launch anti-counter-intention missiles into your personal universe.

*Stin Meditations: Stin is the host of My Thought Coach. She offers free podcasts of affirmations as well as deeper meditations available through a paid membership. Being the musically-adept person that I am, and having Cubase Studio 4 on my Mac, I imported my three favorite podcast MP3s into Cubase, put them in the order I wanted, and saved as a new MP3—for my own personal use only. That way I could drop it on my cell phone and play it all at once. (My three faves deal with financial abundance, health and weight control, and being happy.)